Troubled by Beggars?

Can't set foot into the world of Norrath without being constantly pestered?

Tired of people expecting to get for nothing what YOU spend hours to acquire?

If the answers to these questions are "Yes," we have a new, revolutionary solution to your problem! Yes, friends, our gnomes have been working 'round the clock to bring you the latest in anti-beggar protection. For a mere 1,000,000 platinum, you can be free of those annoying beggars for good!

Introducing the Amulet of Beggar Begone.

That's right! With this stylish necklace, you'll never have to hear "Do u got ne pp?" again!

To see how it works, let's follow our volunteer, Wasuna, into that lovely area of Greater Faydark just outside the Felwithe gates. As anyone wearing anything better than cloth knows, this area is notorious for those lazy buggers who have nothing better to do than beg the rest of us for our hard-earned equipment and coin.

 

As usual, a beggar finds our hapless volunteer within seconds of leaving the city.

Normally, our volunteer would have no choice but to endure a constant stream of whining messages or put the tedious fellow on /ignore. Luckily, our volunteer is wearing the Amulet of Begger Begone!

Using the latest in Norrathian magical techniques, this amulet detects beggars based on criteria such as:

  1. The number of times "Hail" is said in a 10-second period

  2. The inability to use complete words

  3. The number of /tells and /shouts sent in a 30-second period with the term "plz"

And many others!
Once a beggar is identified, the amulet's magic begins its work.

You have the unique pleasure of watching as the beggar fades away, transported to a lonely iceberg in the middle of the ocean where the only things he can beg from are the sharks.

Yes, friends, it's that simple!

What price would YOU pay for such peace of mind? This is a bargain you can't afford to miss!

But there's more!

If you order in the next 10 minutes, we'll upgrade your amulet ABSOLUTELY FREE. This handy upgrade not only transports the beggar to a remote iceberg, but silences him as well. Just think of the sweet revenge! Just think of the blissful silence! Just think of the annoying smuck with a swimming skill of 0 out in the middle of the ocean!

 

 

Don't wait another moment! Operators are standing by to take your order.

 

Disclaimer:  Yes, sadly, this IS a joke. More's the pity.